“A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they’d be asked the “half empty or half full” question. Instead, with a smile on her face she inquired, “How heavy is this glass of water?” The answers called out ranged from 8oz to 20 oz. She replied, “The absolute weight doesn’t matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If i hold it for a minute, its not a problem. If i hold it for an hour, i’ll have an ache in my arm. If i hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn’t change, but the longer i hold it, the heavier it becomes.” She continued, “The stress and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them for a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed - incapable of doing anything.” Always remember to put the glass down.”—
Here’s a little more of an update than me just saying “Brooklyn bound.”
I've now stepped into the life of every other twenty-something creative post-grad trying to make something of themselves in NYC. Welp!
-Realized my flight attendant job alotted me absolutely no time to pursue my real career goals/why I really came to NYC. Plus, it was utterly draining, so I resigned. (I will find another way to travel!)
-Landed an internship in the photo department of Complex Magazine/Media that starts next month!!! So stoked for all the things I’ll learn there.
-Got a job as a Hostess at Spice Market, which is probably the coolest restaurant I’ve ever been in.
-Apartment hunted my ass off and am moving to Brooklyn in two weeks with Liz Howell! And our new place just so happens to be a block from Malia Griggs and Cori Hanky. Whattttt. (We all worked at G&B together in college and may or may not have something up our sleeves in the near future)
The past month and a half has been the most stressful and scary time of my life and full of huge decisions and risks, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I am beyond excited for what the future holds. I’m going to work my ass off to get to where I want to be, and then continue to work my ass off.
I’ve never gone through so many changes in the course of less than a month, and I’ve never been so scared in my life nor so exhausted. I don’t know what I’m doing but I’m trying. Here’s to hoping things fall somewhat into place.
I don't expect a response, but I had a dream about you last night and it was wonderfully sweet. I know you've never really had a guy in your life and how you've felt about romance versus career, but I regret not asking you out. I think there was the potential for something.
Well dang, you seem to know me pretty well! Wish I knew who you were, anon. I’m always game for coffee/beer pseudo-dates and good conversation, so you shoulda asked! Also, I love hearing about dreams I make cameos in. I’m usually either doing something stupid or dying or something haha.
Remember that time I knew exactly what I wanted to do?
But then the real world proved to not be so welcoming?
So I became a flight attendant and I just started working and I already hate it, like I knew I probably would? I mean being new sucks because of scheduling, and its a bitch to commute from my place, which is stupid because I moved to NJ to be closer. BUT NOPE. I do love overnights, though. Maybe I’ll just do stand ups (last flight out/first flight in) if I stay long enough to be able to have a real schedule. I just wanted to get up to NYC and to travel and I was so bored so it just seemed like a pretty okay idea.
And how I still don’t know if I want to go to grad school?
And how I just want to sleep when I’m not working, so how am I ever going to have a life and make something of myself?
I just want to be in Brooklyn and do something that feeds my figurative soul.
I’d rather be a vegetable than to grow old and not have become something worth becoming.
I never got a chance to say it because we have mutual friends in different circles, but I liked you. It's weird, really. You seemed a bit standoffish every time we were around each other, but I knew you had an incredible personality. It made me incredibly happy for you that you found such an awesome opportunity, but with a twinge of sadness because you left. You truly are a great person, Sarah.
I wish I could answer this privately. But I’m so sorry if I did seem standoffish. I get that a lot, but honestly it’s mostly because of my shyness. I’m a pretty reserved person and don’t necessarily know how to be incredibly outgoing with everyone so I hope you don’t take it personally! I’ll probably be back in Columbia frequently so you should say hello, whoever you are. I really appreciate the kind words and well wishes. That sort of stuff means the world to me and I’m so happy to know that I’m thought of in that way. Keep Columbia awesome!
“There was one of his lonelinesses coming, one of those times when he walked the streets or sat, aimless and depressed, biting a pencil at his desk. It was a self-absorption with no comfort, a demand for expression with no outlet, a sense of time rushing by, ceaselessly and wastefully - assuaged only by that conviction that there was nothing to waste, because all efforts and attainments were equally valueless.”— F. Scott Fitzgerald
“I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn’t quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn’t make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.”—Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar
The other night after going to dinner with a few trainees, I was working on some photos and having a birthday drink by myself in the hotel lobby. I met this nice group of people who do house/building showings and such (or something like that) and one lady said she was going to tell her daughter she met the real life Snow White in Cleveland, because I/my style looked like her.
This is the strangest feeling. I currently can’t call anywhere home.
I’m in Cleveland for a month. I havent been assigned a base yet, so I don’t know where I’ll be moving. And I no longer live in Columbia as I’ll only have a couple days there after ground training before I leave.
This will be a long phase/period of adjustment. Everything is changing.
ANYWAYS, back to studying for my first exam whiiiich is tomorrow. Kinda need to pass these things so I can actually be a flight attendant, ya know? I thought I was done with studying/exams/quizzes/etc after graduating college… nope.